by Dr. Holly Battey | March 16, 2015
A client of mine was recently reminiscing on how gorgeous his ex was after a difficult break-up. Focused on physicality, little else was mentioned in regards to what he missed. A very successful professional, attractive, and big-hearted man who brings a ton to the table, I thought he deserved more than just physical chemistry. Someone he can build the future he so longs for on a solid foundation that serves his soul--that's my hope for him.
So let me ask you:
Are your suitors serving your ego or your soul?
Here's how to tell...
There is no shame in desiring an attractive mate. If this is important to you, be honest with yourself. Finding what you truly desire will only strengthen your commitment to your mate once you find them. But let it not be the only thing you're hunting for. Should it be, you're selling yourself short. Because relationships based on physical beauty alone aren't sustainable. Because physical beauty isn't sustainable. So I counseled my client to look for beauty AND the qualities that he needs to ensure a lasting fit. And to wonder internally on dates with beautiful women, 'what else ya got'? Else he'll rack up another relationship that doesn't last.
Ever been on the receiving end of being chosen on looks alone? Had a date want part, but not all of you? Ever felt like arm candy...pressured (internally or otherwise) to have the perfect outfit, body, hair, and say just the right thing to be wanted by a sexy suitor? It's a spirit killer, energy drain, and it's ego-based.
When it's a soul-serving mate, however, your authentic selves complement each other beautifully. And you don't need to spend countless hours prepping before dates. Instead of feeling like you need to be perfect, you feel whole. You can let your hair down, relax, and enjoy yourself. The happiest couples I know have physical chemistry as well as a soulful connection. A successful relationship requires a secure foundation...one based on inner beauty. You know it when you have a soul connection. You feel completely authentic, seen, deeply joyful, at ease, and oh so you. It's grounding and feels right. You don't have to be anything other than who you are to be happy in a soul-serving relationship. You click. And you both feel it. It's like attracting like. And this type of relationship that nurtures the wholeness of who you are is far more likely to last.
Be conscious of what qualities you want to attract and let this inform your dating strategy. Bait your hook with what you want to catch. If you're seeking a soulful connection, consider skipping happy hour. Date smart and do what you love. If you're a hiking enthusiast, join an adventure club. If you love dancing, take a tango class. A Francophile, frequent France! Like my client, you deserve to have both physical and soulful chemistry. Warmest wishes to finding your soul-satisfying connection!