by Dr. Holly Battey | October 21, 2015
After this dramatic break-up, I was done. Not just done with the relationship, but with men. It was unprecedented. I was so done I wasn’t sure if I would ever have another man in my life—by choice. I didn’t think I could be this done. For all my life I’d been a serial monogamist and always sought love…even after the most devastating of break-ups (and I’d racked up a few). I’d had a long string of committed relationships, never ending in the marriage I said I wanted. So I was done. Really done. Not wanting. Not looking. Not passively online. Not even glancing around for possibilities en route to my life. Though I knew I should be okay with being alone, I never truly was. Typically post-breakup I would take my time to heal, then seek out the next. But this time was different. I thought I might go the rest of my life without a romantic partner and I was okay with it. I didn’t know if this would last 6 weeks, months, or years. I didn’t care. I took personal inventory--to nurture and focus on myself in a way I never before had. I decided I had to get me right. I was ripe for an evolutionary leap.
So I read voraciously, meditated, biked in nature, journaled daily, stayed connected to my inner circle, hung out with horses, soul gazed with my cat, wrote poetry, ate well, and captured images of beauty. It didn’t feel like anything was missing because I was fully present for myself. Through journaling I became my own best friend for the first time in my life. I worked out what was up for me that day through writing (instead of ruminating) and it led me to the actions I needed to take. I took good care of myself and let my soul be my guide as to what I needed next. I hired a coach to distill my passions. And after writing a poem that bared my soul and illustrated why I was grateful for every moment that preceded it because it molded me into who I was meant to be, I decided I wanted to share it at a spoken word event—with other deeply passionate souls. Not wanting to fly solo and feeling a bit lonely after 8 months of me time, I asked a friend to join me. The same friend who I had invited countless times post-breakups, who gratefully always said yes to the extra concert ticket I had. We had a great time and agreed to make it a monthly thing. Except that he started asking me to things in between. And right then began the sweetest surprise of my life. The man I had known since college was the man I had been looking for my entire life. And we were finally ready for each other.
What was different this time around? This time I had committed to all or nothing. I was no longer willing to date good enoughs. I qualified quickly. I said no to the near misses, knowing the Universe was taking notice of what I was saying yes to and that It would take me seriously when I did. I had a mindset of abundance. And faith that if God put this desire in my heart, my One must exist. And thankfully, he does. (We just celebrated another anniversary.)
You only have ONE life. Spend it with someone who makes you feel cherished, alive, and a better human being.